Learning Intention: To use adverbs in my writing to make it more powerful
Learning Intention: To use paragraphs to make my writing clearer.
It all started when two friends called Humble Hannah and Outstanding Olivia agreed to do a project together about Tasmania. They were going on a trip there with their year.
Learning Intention: To use paragraphs to make my writing clearer.
It all started when two friends called Humble Hannah and Outstanding Olivia agreed to do a project together about Tasmania. They were going on a trip there with their year.
While they were on the airplane Humble Hannah was trying to get to sleep. But as she was sleeping ….”Wake up!” Outstanding Olivia shouted “we’re there!” Suddenly Humble Hannah woke. “Just as I was having my best dream,” Said Humble Hannah friendly.
“We are now landing,” Called our teacher Mr Ross.
By now we had landed and we were finding our cabins. “Hello and welcome to Tasmania.”The pilot greeted us.
Mr Ross yelled “go find your cabins they will have your names on them and that would be who your cabin buddies are for this trip.”They found their first and they were sharing with Ethan and Riley the two weirdo’s in their class.
Outstanding Olivia and Humble Hannah now decided to go for a walk, but first they had to tell Mr Ross. After they had told him where they were going, they scurried off to the park. But as they were about to reach the park.
"Aaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhh," Outstanding Olivia yelled.
Humble Hannah screamed too! Outstanding Olivia was being chased by a ZEBRA and a RHINO! She had been chased for at lest 1 hour by now and she had lost them.She was terribly injured.She was lonely. Meanwhile, Humble Hannah was trying to look for Outstanding Olivia. But Outstanding Olivia was a long way away.
Carefully Outstanding Olivia walked into a cave. It was dark and quiet, her foot steps echoed as she walked further and further into the cave.Suddenly she went smack! into something."Oh my gosh!"she screamed. There standing before her was a WIZARD! "I must only grant one wish,"said the wizard quietly."I wish," she began, "I wish that I will go back to Humble Hannah and we will safely fly home."
Bang! and just like that she was with Humble Hannah. "how did you get here?" Humble Hannah asked. "Long story," Outstanding Olivia replied. Kindly Humble Hannah helped Outstanding Olivia up and they started to walk back to they cabin were everyone was sleeping.
"You should get a good sleep tomorrow we will be leaving," said Humble Hannah. "How come?" asked Outstanding Olivia. "Because I told Mr Ross, and he decided that the trip was too dangerous so he canned the project," whispered Humble Hannah. "Okay then, good night," whispered Outstanding Olivia. "Good night" whispered Humble Hannah back.
The End. By Lahne Scrivener.
"Aaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhh," Outstanding Olivia yelled.
Humble Hannah screamed too! Outstanding Olivia was being chased by a ZEBRA and a RHINO! She had been chased for at lest 1 hour by now and she had lost them.She was terribly injured.She was lonely. Meanwhile, Humble Hannah was trying to look for Outstanding Olivia. But Outstanding Olivia was a long way away.
Carefully Outstanding Olivia walked into a cave. It was dark and quiet, her foot steps echoed as she walked further and further into the cave.Suddenly she went smack! into something."Oh my gosh!"she screamed. There standing before her was a WIZARD! "I must only grant one wish,"said the wizard quietly."I wish," she began, "I wish that I will go back to Humble Hannah and we will safely fly home."
Bang! and just like that she was with Humble Hannah. "how did you get here?" Humble Hannah asked. "Long story," Outstanding Olivia replied. Kindly Humble Hannah helped Outstanding Olivia up and they started to walk back to they cabin were everyone was sleeping.
"You should get a good sleep tomorrow we will be leaving," said Humble Hannah. "How come?" asked Outstanding Olivia. "Because I told Mr Ross, and he decided that the trip was too dangerous so he canned the project," whispered Humble Hannah. "Okay then, good night," whispered Outstanding Olivia. "Good night" whispered Humble Hannah back.
The End. By Lahne Scrivener.
Great writing girls. I am interested to find out what happened next?
ReplyDeleteFantastic paragraphs to the person who wrote this story. I was hooked from the beginning. You have used some fabulous adverbs. I am looking forward to reading more of your amazing stories. Way to go Room 26. From Mrs Hartley
ReplyDeleteWicked article with awesome adverbs and perfect paragraphs. Write more please! What happens next?
ReplyDeleteHi Room 26 - this is a great piece of writing and I could find some adverbs - my favourite was "terribly injured". I also like the way it has been written in paragraphs beacause it makes reading this story so much easier!
ReplyDeleteKeep working towards your learning intentions - it will make for powerful writing! From Mrs McPhail
Mrs Healey
ReplyDeleteHi Lahne- I think you did a really good job with your paragraphs. I like the use of an adverb to begin one of your sentences. Could you have added an adverb at the start of any other sentences- but only if it would improve the writing. Look out for how other authors have used adverbs to bring inpact to their writing.
Well done
Just wondering if the bit 'said Humble Hannah friendly' makes sense. How about 'said Humble Hannah in a friendly manner'?????
ReplyDeleteWhat about checking your paragraphs in the last half of your story. Great work. Will you take my advice and change it and make it better now?
Humble Hannah
ReplyDeleteI think both of the stories give me such a picture in my mind. Agreeing with Mrs Healey I don't think lahne used paragraphs in the last little bit.Well done though I like the adverbs in both stories.